Thursday, August 28, 2014

am I enough?

I'm keepin' it real with today's topic and it's a little scary... "Feeling confident as a mom"... I have to admit that I have never felt more confident at anything in my life before! I'm a dang good mom and I rarely worry or stress about the mom I am. I definitely have my moments where I wish I would have had more patience, or wish I would have put down the cleaning supplies and snuggled my baby, and the list can go on! But Mia's fun personality, her instant forgiveness, her loyal love and her need for "momma" builds my confidence a little more each day! I don't even think to second guess our relationship as I watch her grow, flourish and learn on the daily!
I do struggle with feeling confident with every other role I have taken on in my life- wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc. The one that bothers me the most is my role as a wife, because I feel like for the most part, before Mia, I was a dang good wife!
Eric and I married young, he was 22 and I was 20, and we wouldn't change a thing! We have matured together, grown together, and figured out a lot of the hard parts of marriage together! But I come up with new items to add to the list each day that I need to become better at for Eric, for myself and for our relationship. As we've experienced different trials in our marriage, we both have to learn how to react, communicate, and work together to get through each rough spot on top and stronger than ever together. And it's hard! Marriage is hard! But it is oh so worth it!
Something I am trying to overcome right now is that I've noticed as I'm teaching Mia, watching her personality come out I am her biggest influence (next to Eric) on how she reacts to different situations. I am helping mold the kind of girl she will be as she grows by guiding her through the emotions she feels. Quite frankly, I'm a bossy mom sometimes but she's a year and a half! I have to be bossy, put my foot down, and teach her some boundaries because that's what she needs! The bad thing is that I find myself doing the same things to Eric... which is a problem since he's a grown man and doesn't need his wife treating him like he's a toddler! We are supposed to be working together instead of me laying down the law, ha ha! But seriously. It sounds ridiculous when I type it out, and even scarier because I know I'll have even more eyes watching the kind of wife I'll be and if I can overcome the things I'm saying now. It's scary because I'll fail. I'll fail multiple times before I start getting it right.
Becoming a mother and loving my sweet baby with little fears in the back of my mind has been the easiest, most natural thing I've ever experienced. Navigating the rest of my life as a new mother has not. It's been hard, but it will be worth it to figure this stuff out! Eric and I have already come a long way as we've discovered how to reconnect after that major life changes that a baby brings, and eventually I will come full circle and be the wife he needs in every aspect! It's just really scary admitting out loud that I have been failing and feeling like I'm the only one who has been sucking at something that I take such pride in! But one day I will perfect my wifey skills again and I will be better!
P.S. Last chance to enter this giveaway for a beauty basket!
Aug 28:  Feeling confident as a mom (How to feel this way, Your struggle with, etc.)


P!nky said...

What an honest post, lady. I can only imagine the struggle of being a mom and a wife, especially when your kid needs so much attention because she is so young. I know you'll get there and will conquer what you set out to do! xoxo

Kimberly said...

I'm like you, I never really feel a ton of "mom guilt" but I could definitely be a better wife for sure ;)

Heather Leigh_A beautiful ministry said...

Oh girl! Loving this!! You are a great mama!!!!

WinterBenson said...

Great post. I'm bossy sometimes too. Casey knows I'm serious when I get out my nurse voice. Haha!

Karina Marie Powell said...

YOU are an amazing mom! Mia is the luckiest thing to have you! So honest, and so well said! XO

Nina Robinson said...

This is exactly how I've been feeling lately too: bossy. On the one hand, routines and boundaries work for toddlers, and when their lives run smoothly, so does everyone elses, but it's hard to draw the line at not micromanaging every little thing in the house. I know we just do it out of love, but I'm working on it too, cause I know I'd hate to be told what to do all the time. Thanks for your honesty!

The Joni Journey

Shaunacey Bonneville said...

love how open and honest you always are!
I'm also the most bossy person EVER, seriously. I need to work on that.

jessica said...

I feel like this could've been written by me. Being a mother to my son has been the easiest, most natural transition I have ever experienced. But being someone's wife while being a mother at the same time? I'm not good at it at all! And it really is a scary thing to admit. Sometimes I get so frustrated with it, but I'm working on being better! If you figure out any tricks, or have any tips I'd love to hear them.

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