I love to tease friends and ask them when they will be having kids, but I really try to avoid the question because it is so touchy! You never know one's situation! So how do we handle answering the question? Before we got pregnant with Mia, sometimes we laughed when we were asked "when?", other times we rolled our eyes, and other times it just hurt to hear the question... as if we have total control of that, you know? Eric finally got sick enough of people asking that he started to tell them, "we try every day! Sometimes multiple times a day! I guess practice makes perfect, right?" I was just as mortified as they were to hear that come out of his mouth, ha ha! But hey! They stopped asking! Looking back, we see that it truly was the perfect timing (God's timing, in our opinion) when Mia came into our lives!
How do we handle the question of adding more kids to the mix? I really don't know, it's a different answer each time! Do we want Mia to have a sibling? Yes! Are we kind of terrified to change up our routine and see if our hearts really will expand to loving another baby as much as we love Mia? Yes! These are legit stresses we experience (that I used to roll my eyes at when I heard other mothers say this, oops!) but we know it will be worth it in the end. So sometimes our answer is, "practice made perfect and there's no way we will get this lucky a second time, so we think we are done!" (ha ha). But mostly is just the honest truth, "we really don't know!" I just hope that we will know it's the right time when we feel calm (er) and (more) confident that it is time. But whether I'm feeling calm or not, I will put my faith in God because I know that my family is what will make me happiest in this world!
Aug 14: Deciding when the time is right for baby #2 (and/or how to handle these questions)
Aug 21: Tricks for eating out with your toddler
Aug 28: Feeling confident as a mom (How to feel this way, Your struggle with, etc.)
22 comments:
I love that you leave it up to God! Enjoyed reading your post!
Hahaha, I agree, i would be mortified if that came out of my husband's mouth, but goodness, that would keep people from asking for sure. I totally think that's funny though, and would laugh about it too!!!
I agree, people often ask just to make conversation, without realizing WHAT a loaded question it really can be. Which is sad. I try to be cognizant and try and ask the general "are you thinking of having kids? or adding to the family" so there is an easy 'yes/no' answer or room to give more of an answer if they choose.
xoxo
Girl, I feel ya on this! Like the minute we got married (and even before), people asked about #1. Then we got pregnant with Mason and even when I was pregnant, people asked about #2. Slow down! People have kinda slowed down on asking recently, but to be honest I'm not even sure we want to. I don't usually say that because I feel like it breaks people's hearts, so I just say I don't know, because to be honest, I don't know! And I think that's ok. When the timing is right for (or not for) another one, we will know!
My mom used to tell people the same thing... "We ended up with perfection the first time, so how do you improve on that?" Thankfully no one really asks us those questions yet... but I'm sure my husband's response would be like Eric's! LOL awk.
I wish I could share my fertility with those that could use a boost! But being me is scary too because I get pregnant so easily, that Axel was a mistake! But I love him so much I'm really glad it happened :) Just knowing you ACCIDENTALLY created another human is kinda freaky. So I've been sucking it up with birth control that makes losing weight difficult.
You will totally love your next baby!!!! And Mia will shine as a big sister if/when you guys add another.
These are such private issues and questions. As you might know, we tried for 2-years and had a failed IVF, IUIs and more. I hated when people asked.
Now that Shelby is almost 2 people keep asking about #2, which is not going to happen. Then the gasp when we say that. LOL!
I was self-concious about it for a while, but now I'm totally good telling people that we're one and done.
We have all we want and need :)
Love your husband's style lol
That is one question I dislike a lot. Sure the time may be right for them for me to have a baby but are they going to take care of it, pay for it, etc? Usually I'll shoot back with that and people get quiet! We'll have a kid when its time for us to have one and that will be between us - you are certainly right!
The timing is different for everyone and everyone has a different opinion on family planning, but the Lord has the ultimate say in it all. :)
I have really, really come to hate that question -- the "when are you having another one?" I wish people would just stop! asking! I love how Eric would answer them -- that's perfect!
You and I are of different religious beliefs, but you're right, things are just out of our control. I wish more people would realize that. Our son is 3, and we just had a stillborn daughter in May. I'm at that point where even getting out of bed every day physically hurts, where I try to wrap my mind around never seeing her face for the rest of my lifetime again except for photos. Meanwhile, I'll be somewhere with my son (which takes a lot of effort, believe me, getting out of bed) and a stranger will say "is he your only one?" or "when are you having another one?" and I'll just want to run in the bathroom and cry. Sometimes things are out of our hands.
I'm trying to learn patience a little more every day myself, too. I always imagined my son would have a sibling like I never really got to (my sister is 11 years younger, so we were both essentially only children) and I'm not sure how else to make that happen. :(
Lindsay
www.youaretheroots.com
Expanding your family is a very personal decision that only you and your husband can make! My mother in law asked me after I had my second baby, WHILE I WAS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL, when we were going to add a third. I could have killed her.(she probably asks me still once a month.)
Also, I was so scared I wouldn't love my second as much as I loved my first, and I know you have heard this many, many times I am sure, but you do. And its incredible!
I would love to say what your husband said to people when they ask us the same question. I completely agree that it is a very touchy subject, but some people just don't realize it. We've lost two pregnancies in the last 18 months and I had people asking me when we'd have another within days of each loss (no one outside of family knew, so...) and it was heartbreaking. The truth is, you never know what is going on in someone's private life and deciding when to have more children is really personal.
It's so great that you leave your family up to God - I'm in a similar situation. My husband and I have been trying for Baby #2 for the last 10 months and after much stressing, worrying, and waiting, I have surrendered it to the Lord. Ultimately, He is the only one who knows how big our family should be and when we should have our children.
Would I love to have more kids? Yes, lots of 'em! But, I do know I need to let go of my "control" and give my recent worries to the Lord.
LOVE your responses to the baby questions! Ours is "We're working on it!" and that ends the conversation abruptly :)
Amy @ Amy @ http://livinglifetruth.blogspot.com/
oh goes what your husband said as an answer! too funny. and mortifying.
I needed to read this post today. :) It is God's choice & no one else's really. Love how your Mister handled it.
I have been really struggling with this topic lately. Finally last night Stafford and I talked about it.. He then grabbed the BOM and asked me 1-15.. I said 12 then he asked 1-40 something and I immediately said 23.. It was 4th Nephi (only one chapter) verse 23. haha you should read it. We started cracking up right away. I guess we have our answer :)
You'll know when you're ready, your heart will grow and expand in ways you can't dream, and God will give you what you NEED. :)
Our second is 3 months…and people are already asking about number three. My response, "Can I just have A MINUTE?!" ;)
you are right! it is a super hard question to answer! in all aspects! right now we get "oh i bet you don't want a 2nd one anytime soon!" and comments along the lines of because we have one little one (c just turned 1) how could we POSSIBLY want another one right now.. and then we get the "would you hurry up and have another one already!" comments on the other side of things! and its like HI. I AM INFERTILE. TRUST ME. I AM TRYING TO GET PREGNANT YOU A-HOLES! don't assume that we don't want another one, we very much do! ha ha ha. it truly is all on God's timing though! good post mama!
Yea I'm still trying to figure out when I will be ready to have another one....I thought I wanted my kiddies closer in age...but then the terrible ones happened...hmmm I may need more time to focus on Mya's behavior hahaha
I love the practice made perfect comment...so so true!
The baby question has been annoying me for years. I knew I wasn't alone in that feeling, but it's nice to be reminded. I can't believe it doesn't even stop after you already have a kid. I like your answer, though. "We really don't know". Perfect.
I'm still asking that question and in a month, I'm turning 39 - HA! Seriously, I think we're thrilled with having out little boy, but if God plans it differently for us, we'll welcome our new life with open arms!
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