Thursday, May 8, 2014

stop being a baby

Taming the tantrums.... where do I even begin? What do I say? Do I even know how to do this for my child?? In all seriousness, Mia has one of the most easy going personalities I've seen in a kid. She's always been this way and I hope she always stays that way! But of course she has her moments and I'll share my top 4 ways of handling her tantrums.
1- I never back down. Mia likes boundaries. All kids like boundaries. And they looooove to test the boundaries! Mia doesn't always understand why I'm telling her no but she has to trust that I'm saying it for a good reason. Sometimes she doesn't wanna hear it, and I don't blame her! I know I don't like being told no! But when I say no, I mean no, and that's something she's gotta learn! The waterworks (and screeching at the top of her lungs, gotta love it!) in the privacy of our own home, or in public (kill me!) are not going to change my answer. The quicker she learns our boundaries, the easier life will (hopefully) be! With that being said, I really pay attention to what I'm saying no to. It's important to let Mia explore, discover and just be a toddler while she's learning her boundaries :) So I really do my best to say no when it matters most, instead of saying no because I don't want to put in the extra effort to give her what she's asking for, or just because it sounds good. Yes, I just admitted how lazy I like to be :)
2- I let her cry. Sometimes a girl just needs to cry! I know I'm guilty of busting out the ugly cry every once in awhile... so maybe Mia needs that release as well?
2- I ignore her. Eric really fails in the ignoring department but hot dang, I am good at ignoring Mia's cries! When she's throwing a fit just for the sake of throwing a fit, I can let it go on and on without my blood pressure or body temperatures raising, ha ha! But I feel like this goes hand in hand with my #2. After letting Mia cry it out for a minute or two (she doesn't need long!) I gather her in my arms and hold her close so that she knows I still love her.
4- I distract her. The main cause for Mia's tantrums these days is because she wants all. the. toys. when she's playing with friends. This whole teaching-Mia-to-share-thing is the biggest pain in my rear! Even though I'm convinced she has no idea what I'm telling her when I say, " he had that first, Mia. Find something else to play with" or "you can't have both of the buckets. Give one to your friend" as she screams when I take it away to share with friends. But it's my job to teach her to share so I'll keep doing it... and as I say the words I'm shoving new toys in her face or hands so that she will (hopefully) quickly ditch the tantrum and continue playing happily!
I'm not really sure if my "genius" ways of handling her tantrums are the best I can do for her, but I truly am trying my best! Hopefully it pays off in the end :)

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My Delicious Adventure                  The Life Of Faith
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Running From The Law             The Olive Tree          

May 8:          Taming the Temper Tantrums
May 15:        Weaning from Breastfeeding or From Formula to Cow’s Milk 
May 22:        Dealing with Mommy Guilt
May 29:        When People Share Their Opinions and How to Lovingly Handle it
June 5:         Traveling with your Toddler
June 12:       How to get your toddler to eat their veggies…or their food at all
June 19:       How to make time to blog in the busyness of motherhood
June 26:       Bedtime Battles (nap or bedtime
Come link up with us every Thursday and share your wisdom!


Laurie @ Stylin Savanna said...

You are doing great! This isn't my first go round with a toddler so I'm used to it, the tantrums in public? I try not to cringe and I can feel eyeballs staring through me and judging but I really don't care anymore, it's smart to let babies cry occasionally, sometimes that's just what needs to be done! :)

Dee Stephens said...

Ok - I love this post. I do all the same things and while some view it as being 'to harsh', I disagree.
I think the ignoring is key. My Mom though has made a few comments to me about it and it's really starting to annoy me. Next time she says something I'm going to tell her that she can do what she wants when Shelby is at her house but when I'm around she has to follow MY rules!
I REFUSE to have a bratty kid. The crying, just to cry, because you want your way doesn't fly in our house.

Sarah @ The Not Quite Military Wife said...

We parent SOOO alike one another! I love it! I love seeing that Aislynn already realizes there are things she can and can't do. Doesn't mean she's going to obey, but she DOES know. I count that as a victory!

P!nky said...

You are a great mom and I think it's so important to teach boundaries. Good job!

Katie said...

i am dreading the tantrums! i want to be able to ignore them without getting stressed out!

Sara McCarty said...

You are one tough mama! I love it. I'm jealous that you can be so good and consistent with her. I'm a total pushover and I let him have his way when I know I shouldn't. I really need to be better about it. :) Great advice! Loving this series.

Mandie said...

These could also apply to a tween & teen! Ha!

I've even carried my youngest up to her room once kicking & screaming, threw her on her bed & let her get it out. She ended up throwing things around her room but that only hurt her cuz when she was done with her tantrum, she had to clean it up & then she was just fine. :)

Heather Leigh_A beautiful ministry said...

You are such a wonderful mama!! Mia is so blessed :) I LOVE your methods. :)

ashlyebrink said...

You are so right! I agree with many of those solutions... let them cry, redirect, take a breather. All good to try when dealing with meltdowns. Sometimes they are just bound to happen out of frustration. I mean, in our adult lives, when do we get a time out? I think there are many adults that could use one. ;)

Have a wonderful day!!

~Dawn~ said...

Those tips are perfect, Courtney! You are obviously doing an incredible job with little Mia. As parents we know that sometimes these tips and tricks work and other times they don' depends on the day, the situation and the child. But, once you establish them young - it will make life a whole heck of a lot easier!

Hannah said...

This sounds like what I (try to) do. I love it. Mia has a wonderful mama in you! It is so great that you do not back down or give in. I try not to, but it is hard to always stand my ground. You are doing a great job at teaching her boundaries and how to be nice :)

Sara {Rhapsody and Chaos} said...

I think the key to letting her cry is exactly as you do -- cuddling her afterward so she still knows she's loved. Not only does it ease her tears a little, probably, but it also helps to ease that pain in your heart when you know you shouldn't go to her right away because it only enforces the behavior. Good job, mama!

Emily said...

totally agree with everything you said. you HAVE to be consistent, or they will NEVER learn, and they will learn to control you. one that has worked for us is time out. especially as they get older. time out isn't always a punishment either. sometimes they just need some time to re-group and calm down and try again. this especially works well with my 7 year-old (YES, they still throw tantrums at that age). he's even starting to get to the point where he knows he needs a time out and can take care of it himself. but even with our 2 year-old, time out works. anyway - that's just my 2 cents. every kid is different, and every parent is different, but there is definitely something to be said for setting boundaries and being consistent.

Sarah said...

I agree with the consistency! Definitely if they know if they cry long enough they'll eventually they'll get their way, they'll do it! They're smart little things. Sometimes we'll accidentally take something away from our son and realize oh it's not as dangerous as I thought, but we can't give it back to him because we already said no. So we use distraction a LOT when we think a tantrum is coming.

Anonymous said...

The older I get and the closer I get to having my own baby when I hear a tantrum going on in public I try not to look over. I think it's just an instinct though. I don't really care what's going on with the screaming child, but I have heard from mom friends of mine that they die a bit inside when their toddler loses it in public and I don't want to stress the mom (or dad) out anymore than they already are.

Sounds to me like you are doing a pretty good job of handling the tantrums.

The Olive Tree Blog said...

love your tips :)

Sarah said...

I pretty much do these as well and just choose which one based on the situation. I can't WAIT for the opinion sharing one. I think it's going to be quite funny.

KelseyB said...

We are on the same parenting tantrum page! I am like...okay when you're done, you let me know. haha!

Schnelle said...

These are such great tips to remember. Aubrey just started having little tantrums and it's such a test to your patience at times. #1 and #3 are probably the most important as well as the most difficult. I'm a big believer in ignoring so they don't get the attention (they want) for doing something that is not ok.

Elizabeth said...

Sounds like you are doing fantastic "Taming" her! And I wish you more luck as she gets older!

Love Always,

Ashley said...

Oh boy... something to look forward to! ;-)

I like the tip of not backing down. I think it confuses kids, and teaches them to push the right buttons, when you're not consistent. I've seen it first hand with one of my friends and her kids. She tells them they can't have something if they're being bad and then gives them a reward even when they're bad because it's easier then having them cry. Yikes!

I agree, sometimes you just need to let a toddler cry. Although we'll see how well I can actually handle that once we reach that stage. :-)

Julie said...

Yes even adult girls need to cry. I did it the other day, I'm just so done with something in my life, I didn't care who saw me!

Ashleigh said...

You are doing great :)

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