adding to the fam- my fears

I always knew I wanted to have at least 2 kids- I wanted my kids to have siblings, a best friend for life! Eric wanted 12 kids (way back when we got engaged, ha ha!) and well, that just wasn't ever going to happen as long as I was in charge, ha ha! But we found ourselves saying that we weren't sure we wanted any more kids once Mia was born. I mean, I knew I wanted Mia to have a sibling but how was I going to be able to handle it? Mia was an angel baby and it only gets better as she gets older (minus the random tantrums every now and then) but I didn't know how I was going to be able to love and nurture another babe while still being able to give Mia everything I had to give, and that scared the crap outta me. I mean, if it isn't obvious enough, I'm plain obsessed with Mia! We were both caught off guard with just how in love we were with our precious new bundle (and the love grows daily!) and I suspect that Eric worried he wouldn't be able to love another baby as much as he loved Mia. So the simple solution was to avoid the idea of having more kids.... we got it right the first time and that was good enough for us ;)
As Mia grew out of the baby stage and into a toddler, I started to see how a sibling would be just what she would need in the future... but I still wondered how mom's with multiple kids do it?! I would see a pregnant woman trying to wrangle a tantruming toddler and feel such relief that we weren't at that stage yet. I would snuggle my friends little babes but be so grateful that I got to go home and soak up all the loves from my notsolittleanymore Mia. It wasn't until Mia started taking interest in little babies herself (ie: wanting to hold them, etc) that I finally felt like I could manage the idea of expanding our family. It finally felt right... like I wasn't cheating on my daughter by wanting another baby (sounds weird, I know! I didn't get it when I heard other women mention that until I had Mia), like we could actually love another baby as much as our first child, like even though life would be beyond crazy at times, I would be able to give my babies (because Mia will always be my baby!) what they needed, when they needed it! Mia was giving me the courage I needed to swallow my fears and know that it was time!

It has been such a treat to experience this pregnancy with my Mia girl. I've shared multiple times how in tune Mia is with her baby brother and it absolutely melts my heart! Instead of experiencing all the fears that come with expanding a family now, I am enjoying every second of my pregnancy and the day dreams of our future as a family of 4 because I struggled so much before even trying to get pregnant (I did it the same way with saying "yes!" to Eric. I agonized and stressed over the decision to marry him so much before he even popped the question, that I knew without a doubt he was the one for me and I enjoyed every second of our relationship/engagement after that. I never experienced "cold feet" or any other questions or fears if I was making the right decision once we were engaged.) Am I cherishing every second I have with Mia before her brother makes his debut? Yes! Will I miss our one on one time, just being the two of us all the time? Probably a little. But I have no doubts that life will be better than we could have imagined with a new member of the family and Mia will absolutely thrive (eventually, I know there's an adjustment period!) as a big sister! The timing could not be more perfect and while I still have small fears here and there about having a new baby again (hello nursing! you are painful and terrifying at first, but I hear it's better/easier the second time around?)I am so thankful for our baby boy that will be arriving this Fall! We can't wait to be a family of four!

Little momma Mia- obsessed with the baby in my belly... and hers, ha ha!