worst. day. ever.

Yesterday was by far the worst day of motherhood to date! And it's not even Mia's fault. Our day started out so good! Mia woke up after a good, long night of sleep, we played and laughed, ate breakfast then went to the gym. After my workout, we were walking out to the jeep (my new mom car that I haven't even showed off yet, except I kind of hate it right now so I'll show it off when it redeems itself) I started it (from my keys) to get it warming up while I buckled Mia into her car seat. I let Mia play with the keys while I buckled her in, took them back and dropped them in the diaper bag (like I always do) and closed her door. I tried to open my door... but I couldn't! I ran around the jeep trying every door and they were LOCKED! I almost died right then and there. I didn't know it was possible to lock the keys inside the jeep!

You see, we don't use the keys to lock, unlock or start the car. We lock the jeep from the door handle, it senses the key and unlocks itself, and we have push to start... so my keys always stay in the diaper bag so I don't forget them somewhere. When we first bought the jeep I tried locking the door but it just. wouldn't. lock. I realized I left the keys in the cup holder and as soon as I had in my hand, the jeep locked! So like I said, I didn't know it was possible to lock the keys inside! I guess Mia pushed the lock button (the buttons are h a r d to push, she's never actually pushed down on them before) without my knowledge.

I kept looking at my hands praying that my keys would magically appear. But nope, only my phone (don't know why that wasn't in the diaper bag with the keys because that's where I always put it) and a credit card (I just renewed my gym membership). I tried to call Eric but my phone wouldn't work.... OH MY GOSH! I forgot to pay the phone bill (first time this has ever happened, of course)! I ran inside the gym and used their phone to call Eric. He told me he would leave right then to get our spare keys and bring them over. I felt zero relief. It takes Eric about 45 minutes to get home from work. And did I mention that Mia started crying the instant I shut her door?! I was in major panic mode! I ran back out to try and open the doors again (just in case, right?) and Mia was screaming bloody murder. Poor baby! She was probably mad, annoyed and scared as to why she was in the car by herself watching mom run away! At least I knew she wasn't cold because the car warmed up when I started it from the key (thank heavens).

I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to be able to unlock my car from my phone... except it still wasn't working! So I ran back inside the gym and they let me use their computer to pay my freaking phone bill to access my app (credit card came in handy!). Well, I couldn't figure out how to use the app so I called customer service and was on the phone for 20 MINUTES trying to figure out why it wasn't working. It took so dang long because my mind was so far gone and I couldn't calm myself down. I would tell them info between hysterical cries which means I would have to repeat everything 5 times (I feel so bad for them) as they tried to trouble shoot. I had to stand in front of my car because each time I checked on Mia she would cry the saddest cry and wave at me through the window (I cried just typing that. It was heart breaking!) and when I walked off? She would scream bloody murder. The man finally set everything correctly (I set up the app wrong) and sent a signal to my jeep to unlock. He seriously was so nice and patient with me through the whole process even though he admitted that I was stressing him out (ha) and I am so thankful for him! My door finally unlocked the same moment Eric pulled up (of course). I checked on Mia and realized that she had finally cried herself to sleep.... and that's when I totally fell apart in Eric's arms (as if I wasn't already a mess before)!

Don't ask me why I didn't call the police department or roadside service. I literally could not make myself think straight! (Customer service suggested calling r.r.s. but then they figured we'd be able to fix the problem long before r.r.s. reached me. Unfortunately I'm an idiot and made it harder for everything to work out). Mia was safe, warm and locked in her car seat. I knew she would cry herself to sleep. But the only thing I could process was that my baby wanted and needed me, and I couldn't get to her. And she just didn't understand. Worst. Feeling. EVER!! I was literally frozen from the wind chill but I didn't feel the pain until I had access to Mia again. I mean, my brain shut everything down except the panic that I couldn't get to Mia!

Thinking back on it, I roll my eyes over my stupid phone being shut off (maybe someday I'll laugh about it?) when I needed it most! I die a little inside wondering what the gym employees must be saying about me (most incompetent, idiotic mother EVER). I am sure I might get a comment or twenty about how I shouldn't be a mom (no one can bring me down more than I already did to myself). But mostly I've learned to stop procrastinating. I knew I didn't understand the app, but if I had simply called and asked a question to make sure I had it set up correctly, I would have been able to unlock my car (once I paid my freaking bill) and hold my baby 30 minutes sooner! I mean, UGH!! I'm so mad at myself. And mad because I wasn't aware this could happen in the first place... otherwise my keys never would have been placed in the diaper bag. I'll be mad about that for a long time. But mostly I've never been so thankful for a husband who loved me and comforted me (and broke the law driving to town to save his girls) when I needed it most. Seriously, not one word of chastisement! And I've never been so thankful to hold my sweet, sleeping baby who instantly forgave and forgot the moment she woke up!

Yesterday was just pretty sucky. But I learned a lot of lessons! And Mia got to enjoy the rest of the day of having whatever she wanted ;) Including a family date night for ice cream!