Monday, July 9, 2012

kind of a venting post?

I've been in a funk these past couple months and I'm having a hard time snapping out of it. I hate to blame it on hormones, but I'm guessing that all of these changes my body is going through definitely isn't making life easier. One minute I'm the happiest girl and the next minute I'm throwing a pity party for myself. I can literally feel like I'm on top of the world and am so blessed to have the best friends, then suddenly I feel like I've been trampled into the ground and my friends hate me. Am I pushing them away? Do they just not want anything to do with  me? Am I not a likeable person anymore? And then other moments I just feel... worthless. I don't even know if worthless is the right word, but I just feel like I "exist". Nothing more, if that makes sense? And then I feel guilty for feeling that way because I'm growing a baby for heck's sake! It's just so confusing.... poor Eric! I don't know how he puts up with me. Seriously, can I blame these crazy ups and downs on the hormones? I'm usually not an unstable girl, ha ha.
I'm the type of girl that thrives when I am surrounded by loved ones and friends! People are like sunshine to me, I just need them in my life! But the last 6 months have been pretty lonely because of Eric's crazy work schedule and living in this new town.... I guess I'm still having trouble adjusting.
People who don't understand blogging laugh (and I don't blame them) at this world. But I just can't say it enough... I am so grateful for all the friendships I have made in blogland! Some of you I have met in real life and I cherish our times of hanging out. And the rest of you, I swear, always know what to say exactly when I need it to be said! I am just so thankful for the love I feel from you all!
When I feel like I need my friends the most, I don't know how to reach out and ask for the support. I don't know how to pull my mind out of the dark, let alone ask someone to help me do it. But I am so lucky to have friends that call me randomly, and without knowing it, they set me back on track. I don't think my friends will ever understand how grateful I am when they make time in their busy lives for me. Whether it's a phone call or a visit, I am grateful! And those times when my friends are slacking (ha ha, kidding of course)... I have a very loving husband and family to turn to. Seriously, I'm blessed!
I realize this post is totally all over the place... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know I have so much to be thankful for. And I am thankful! I'm learning to control my emotions with all of these hormones taking over my body... and in the process I've been able to see how I've been blessed with the BEST people in my life! My family will always be our rock. We feel so much love from them! I have the best friends that are there for me when I need them. I belong to this awesome world of blogging! :) And I am slowly making new friends in this town, and these friendships mean the world to me! Best of all, I am married to the hottest baby daddy ever! And he's going to be the BEST dad. Hormones suck, but my life definitely does not suck! :)

45 comments:

Julie said...

Hang in there Courtney! I've never met you in person but from your blog posts and comments, you are a very sweet, genuine person and anyone would be so thankful to have a friend like you in their lives. You will push through these ups and downs and become a stronger person because of it!

Monica's Notebook said...

Awww I am so sorry to hear that you feel like this! But trust me I'm sure its because your husband is gone a lot and your in a new town! You aren't going crazy! haha Being around people makes you happy and that something you probably aren't getting a lot of and this is a time when you really need it, and you have a human growing inside of you!! haha so don't feel like a freak with all of these different emotions! I am so glad you have such a great support system girl :]

m&msmommy said...

Oh sweet friend, I know EXACTLY how you feel (and I'm not even prego! ;) I have SO much to be thankful for, such a wonderful husband/children/church/life and sometimes I too feel like I'm just "existing"...thankfully it's a just a short time, and then I'm back to being happy, but that "down" time really stinks! :( Hang in there friend! :) I'll be praying for you! :)

Julie said...

I'm sorry you feel this way but I can honestly say I've been feeling the same also. I think it might be, for me, because all the friends are having babies and I'm not in that boat at the moment. I'm totally for the next steps in their lives, its just not the step for us right now. But it will get better as time goes on, I promise! I know we haven't met in person but I love your blog and I'm excited for all the things you have coming up!!

Bethany Scruggs said...

awhhh sweet girl - i was the same way.. even for the few short months I was pregnant.. I would be laughing and mid-laugh I would want to cry. VERY bizarre. But, we love you too and are always here for you!!!

Kyndra Johnson said...

I love you Courtney!! I will come visit you soon dang it I suck I know sorry :( I was looking at houses in Cedar last night for if Clayt gets that job. Maybe I can talk him into coming there :) It's worth a try. Hang in there friends will come. And you will be happy again. You are loved by many. Love you!

erica[goodjobmomma] said...

yes hormones are the worst!! my first pregnancy one of my husbands best friends said he didn't want to come over anymore because he was afraid of me. hahaha. i didn't think i was crazy but i guess i was!

you are going through so many changes right now and it hard to adjust sometimes, for sure. you'll get through it you are a strong woman and you can do anything!

Laurie @ Rookiewife520.blogspot.com said...

Oh my gosh girl, I was totally like this too. However, I did have my family and friends around me. I can only imagine how hard it is with the hubs working crazy hours and you feeling like at times you are going through this HUGE momentous thing in your life ALONE. I think every person feels this way at some point. But from all of the posts you have, It seems like you have some wonderful, fantastic friends and family. Things will get better once you finally trudge your way through the next trimester, just always remember, somewhere someone is happier with less then what you have. :)

M & T Peterson said...

Horomones do suck! I'm still feeling the side effects :). Your going to be a wonderful mom.

Mandy@ a sorta fairytale said...

Of course you can blame it on the hormones. I wish we lived near each other! We would be BFF's and hang out all the time. You would never feel lonely. Xoxo

Alyssa said...

Hang in there, Courtney! I moved twice by the time I was 19. The first move was nine hours away from "home" and was surprisingly easy. The second one, not so much. It's been almost two years for me and I still get that homesick feel and have those hard, lonely days. I can't imagine being hormonal on top of it!

Bri Buzali said...

Awwww Courtney! Hang in there! Those times of feeling lonely will pass, but I can relate to what you're going through. When I graduated college I moved to a new city for a job where I knew NO ONE. I'm here for you if you EVER need to talk, and I'm not just saying that! Love you girl!

Carlie said...

Court! I totally had this same breakdown yesterday. Well I'm not pregnant so I don't have hormones to blame. But sometimes it can be rough being in a new environment and trying to figure things out. I appreciate your honesty on this post.

Misty said...

It's definitely the hormones as well as loneliness. I'm sorry you are feeling alone. I can totally relate. It's hard to be new in town. When I first moved to a new place, I felt very much the same as you. But as time went on, I learned to embrace being alone in the quiet. I forced myself to go out and do things, even alone. And I began to enjoy it. Peaceful, no drama, and learning to really know who I was. Friends are wonderful to have and it's nice to be surrounded by people sometimes. But sometimes it can be nice to be alone. I hope you feel better soon!

Kirsten Wiemer said...

i know what you mean, i mean i dont want you mean because i haven't been prego ever. but i'm hormonal, stupid new birth control. anyways i feel like i never have friends. im starting to believe that i dont. i know i have blog friends and internet friends, but i need real friends. it just different. i hope things get better cute girl. love you.

K

Alyx said...

Hang in there, girly!! I'm sorry your hormones are makin' ya crazy, but remember that in a few months, it'll all be well worth it!

Lindsay said...

I could have sworn I was following your blog, but apparently I somehow wasn't. Hang it there! I'm sure it's all pregnancy hormones.

from head 2 toe said...

Chin up friend! Remember to make the best out of every moment! I am over 2, 000 from any family and I just have to remember that this is what is best for MY little family (Derek and I). Exercising, keeping busy, church service has made it very easy for me. I am never sad...even though I am always alone! If you need a friend, feel free to vent to me any time! hehe :) Chin up girl, it will get better!

Shelley said...

You are having to deal with a lot right now. Moving to a new place plus being pregnant. I was in the same boat but I can promise you that it will get easier and you will feel at home if you reach out to your new friends and grow those friendships!

Liesl said...

I love how open and honest you are, Courtney, through all the ups and downs we all face in life...this is why I heart you so! <3 That said, I always think we have all been in a bit of that funk, as they say, that you can't always snap out of...I know I have, despite always trying to stay happy and upbeat, since it is who I am, but life gets us sometimes! However, that just means that some grew things are head! :) My family is my rock as well, and I love that you have such a great support there too! Sending extra hugs and smiles your way! xoxo

katie michelle said...

i love how honest and vulnerable you are! you really hit close to some things i've been feeling lately, too, and it's always so important to remember you ARE loved and SO BLESSED!!! too easy to forget sometimes, but so important to remember!
xo

nate and amy crandell said...

I know being preggo can be crazy! You are so cute and fun though-hang it there girl :) !

Samantha said...

I don't know how much of it is hormones, and how much of it is just being a girl (which could also be linked to hormones)...because I feel like this often, so I understand how you feel. Especially the 'existing' part. Just try to remain focused on the positive. When you let a little bit negativity seep in, it tends to take over before you can do anything about it.

Taylor said...

I really feel for you Courtney, moving to a new place can be hard enough without the hormones of being pregnant as well. Things will get easier though, just keep focussing on those positives. Stay strong lovely. xxx

Jessie said...

Don't worry. You are NOT alone! I got pregnant the same month we moved into our new home in a new area and I didn't know a single soul. Plus, it was winter. I felt so lonely! But 8 months later, things are looking up. I'm glad you realize that hormones are definitely a part of the pregnancy roller coaster. Sometimes just realizing its hormones and adjusting to a new place makes it a tad easier. But if you're depressed all the time, be sure to talk to your doctor. :)

brynn said...

i'm definitely on an emotional rollercoaster myself a lot of times....so you are not alone!

hope things get better, sweet girl!

Established: 2008 said...

I feel this way all the time and I don't even have hormones to point to! I definitely bounce from feeling fantastic about everything and then being sad about the very same things. Just know that you're not alone!

Shaylynn... I blahwg It's True. said...

Guess what? I have a post about Y.O.U. and blogland friendships and how I don't care that I have made my friends through blogging this year.

Guess what? You matter, you do. You are so sweet, so kind, and so very loving.

I think the trick with getting older is that friendship changes, it morphs, people get so busy they leave people behind without realizing it.

I know Ashley loves you.. that distance though, it's a kicker. I know it well.

Let's fix it for you, Saturday? k? k.

If growing a baby is anything like PMS, Heaven help us all because I will be a nightmare.

Aimee L said...

Yes, you can blame it all on the hormones!! It's like Seth Rogan's character said in "Knocked Up"..."eff you, hormones!!" :)

kyna... said...

Awe hon..I know this is a rough time right now. It gets better, I promise!

And I know how you feel about friends...I am such a social person and I feel like I am slowly losing each and every one of my girlfriends for one reason or another. I am constantly depressed about it! I wish all of us bloggers could live in the same town! That would be amazing for sure!
xoxo

Chin up my friend!
♥ Kyna

Chrissy + Nate said...

Girl, I know how you feel (and I'm not even pregnant- at least I don't think so)!!! When you are alone and your mind starts to race, jumping from one crazy emotion/feeling to the next, it is so crappy! I HATE IT and want it to stop!!! Just stop, take a deep breath, tell God you love Him, and He will totally get you through it! Hoping it gets better for you!

Alexis Kaye said...

uhm hello girl! Did you read my post a few back about how these hormones are making me so antisocial but then I feel super lonely? So crazy. They don't make sense. One second I'm crying over how much I love my husband and the next minute I want to punch him. Also, I've felt a lot like people don't like me. I think that's normal. I hope so or else we both belong on the crazy train ;)

That Girl said...

I think it's also probably hard for you since you're young - not surrounded by a ton of other moms with young babies all the time. Which can make pregnancy more isolating. I know I had that issue since none of my college friends have kids yet.

Jordan Jaked said...

Girlfraaaand. You are wonderful.

It's okay to feel a little down every once and a while. You recognize your blessings. That's more than enough.

And hormones are crazy. CRAZY. Hang in there.

Chelsea said...

I would blame it on hormones all that you want! Hope that you feel better! :)

Melanie said...

Oh my sweet hot funny little mummy... I can literally remember feeling the same exacto way being pregnant, at least the first 3-4 months... or maybe a tidge longer. (spell check is telling me that "tidge" is not a word, but I like it, I think you would like it, so lets go w/ it)hahaa.. see I'm still a nut) Anywhooo... you are going through a lot sweety... 1st time being preggy, new town, all those crazy, bad, wonderful hormones... you will so get through this all. It will all get better, I promise. Plus.... dang mama is HOT... so that should make you extra happpy! loves yas mama lama!

Can I please call you "mama lama?" I've always wanted to call someone that! Oh PLEASE?! Lol... & you thought you were all over the place!

Jennifer said...

Oh man, pregnancy hormones can really mess with you! Hang in there - it might get worse. But in the end you'll have a bundle of joy in your arms, and all of your crazy moments will be long forgotten. (o:

A little perspective is always good.

And hey - thanks for stopping by my blog today!

oomph. said...

chin up, girl...you're awesome! and by the way you write about your family here on the blog, i know they are awesome, too! it's difficult living in a new place, period. but take things day by day...hour by hour if you have to. smaller goals don't seem too overwhelming. i know you'll push thru these feelings! we've all been there!

[oomph.]

MagicMagpie said...

i think you have the right to blame everything and anything on the hormones, enjoy the special time and congratulations.

http://monstermagpie.blogspot.com/

Amanda said...

You can always chat it up with me! I wish that we were closer geographically because I'm NOT hormonal and still have these highs and lows (I'm an emotional person, so I can relate). I'm glad that you're so grateful for life, and I hope you know how much you're loved and appreciated by your blogland friends :)

B said...

lady you are growing a human being inside your body, you can act however you want me all the people that love you still will! you take your time and ask for help if you need it. when that little baby is born i am sure no one will be thinking about your previous moods!

Ashley {hudson's happenings} said...

Girl. I feel exactly the same way sometimes, and I don't have any darn hormones to blame it on. Blah! ;)

I am so very thankful for my blogging relationships, too, especially you.

Praying for a return to non-funky-attitude-ness for your beautiful self soon!! Love you!! xo

smk053078 said...

Oh, girl, I don't even know what to say, but just hang in there. I have been pregnant twice and my hormones were CRAY CRAY!!! Don't feel out of place or think something is wrong with you!! You have another HUMAN BEING growing in you!!! It's gonna jack up your emotions!! You can do this! lean on the people that are closest to you and use your blog as an outlet!! BLOG LAND IS THE BEST!!! And people who don't blog will NEVER understand it!!
xo,
Shanna

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