Wednesday, June 24, 2015

adding to the fam- my fears

I always knew I wanted to have at least 2 kids- I wanted my kids to have siblings, a best friend for life! Eric wanted 12 kids (way back when we got engaged, ha ha!) and well, that just wasn't ever going to happen as long as I was in charge, ha ha! But we found ourselves saying that we weren't sure we wanted any more kids once Mia was born. I mean, I knew I wanted Mia to have a sibling but how was I going to be able to handle it? Mia was an angel baby and it only gets better as she gets older (minus the random tantrums every now and then) but I didn't know how I was going to be able to love and nurture another babe while still being able to give Mia everything I had to give, and that scared the crap outta me. I mean, if it isn't obvious enough, I'm plain obsessed with Mia! We were both caught off guard with just how in love we were with our precious new bundle (and the love grows daily!) and I suspect that Eric worried he wouldn't be able to love another baby as much as he loved Mia. So the simple solution was to avoid the idea of having more kids.... we got it right the first time and that was good enough for us ;)
As Mia grew out of the baby stage and into a toddler, I started to see how a sibling would be just what she would need in the future... but I still wondered how mom's with multiple kids do it?! I would see a pregnant woman trying to wrangle a tantruming toddler and feel such relief that we weren't at that stage yet. I would snuggle my friends little babes but be so grateful that I got to go home and soak up all the loves from my notsolittleanymore Mia. It wasn't until Mia started taking interest in little babies herself (ie: wanting to hold them, etc) that I finally felt like I could manage the idea of expanding our family. It finally felt right... like I wasn't cheating on my daughter by wanting another baby (sounds weird, I know! I didn't get it when I heard other women mention that until I had Mia), like we could actually love another baby as much as our first child, like even though life would be beyond crazy at times, I would be able to give my babies (because Mia will always be my baby!) what they needed, when they needed it! Mia was giving me the courage I needed to swallow my fears and know that it was time!
It has been such a treat to experience this pregnancy with my Mia girl. I've shared multiple times how in tune Mia is with her baby brother and it absolutely melts my heart! Instead of experiencing all the fears that come with expanding a family now, I am enjoying every second of my pregnancy and the day dreams of our future as a family of 4 because I struggled so much before even trying to get pregnant (I did it the same way with saying "yes!" to Eric. I agonized and stressed over the decision to marry him so much before he even popped the question, that I knew without a doubt he was the one for me and I enjoyed every second of our relationship/engagement after that. I never experienced "cold feet" or any other questions or fears if I was making the right decision once we were engaged.) Am I cherishing every second I have with Mia before her brother makes his debut? Yes! Will I miss our one on one time, just being the two of us all the time? Probably a little. But I have no doubts that life will be better than we could have imagined with a new member of the family and Mia will absolutely thrive (eventually, I know there's an adjustment period!) as a big sister! The timing could not be more perfect and while I still have small fears here and there about having a new baby again (hello nursing! you are painful and terrifying at first, but I hear it's better/easier the second time around?)I am so thankful for our baby boy that will be arriving this Fall! We can't wait to be a family of four!
Little momma Mia- obsessed with the baby in my belly... and hers, ha ha!

25 comments:

P!nky said...

I think it's normal to have some fears about adding to a family. Many of the moms I know worry they can't experience the love the have with their first with other kids but then boom it happens. I think it's awesome Mia will have a sibling, they really are the best. It's so nice not to go through life alone and to know you will have someone to lean on when times get tough and parents get older. Mia is a cutie pie, the end!

Sara Holt said...

I think your fears are completely relevant. Most moms struggle with the fear of adding another to the mix. I know I sure do. I always worry when baby #2 comes along that I won't be able to love him/her like I do Harper. But as a person with two siblings, I can never remember a time that I thought my parents loved one of my siblings more. I think as parents our heart just grows bigger when we have more children!

Kelly Mock said...

That is so normal! You are going to be the best Momma of those 2 ever though!

Kimberly said...

I'm pretty lucky in some ways that Axel was an accident because I don't know if I ever would have had the guts to pull the trigger. Mostly because I was terrified of morning sickness with a toddler. Now that they can play together, siblings are the BEST thing that ever happened to me. Once again pregnant, I'm worried I'll never love this baby like I do Axel (Olivia was never my "baby" the same way he is, she was just born older! ha!) but I know in my head that's not true! I just can't convince my heart until I meet this babe.

Pamela {Sequins and Sea Breezes} said...

I definitely think its completely normal to have fears about adding to your family! I'm the same way you are, I always wanted two kids but then thinking about it sometimes I only want one because I'm afraid I won't be able to give two equal attention and love and I don't want one to not feel as important. You're an awesome mom and I guarantee you that when your little baby boy arrives you'll find time to juggle both and Mia is going to love having a sibling to play with!

<3, Pamela
Sequins & Sea Breezes

Elizabeth Birenbaum said...

I think it's normal to have those worries. Heck I'm not even pregnant and I still think about that! Haha. I often wonder how parents of more than one do it with school drop offs, activities, and this that and the other thing. I'm pretty sure we're done after one (at least for sure for a while - especially with everything thats going on with Mason) but I often think about "how the heck would I have a baby AND drop Mason off at school? Who would I drop off first? I can't leave either kid in the car while I run in..." Oy. The stresses of being a mom. But good news is, Mia already seems like the BEST big sister and I know she will love her little brother so much and I know you will still make her feel special after he's born and still have girl time. You are an amazing mama!

hello erin said...

For a month after kenz was born I was convinced I ruined Lex's life! I mourned all the solo attention she and I were used to. And it was rough. But now? Now I'm convinced she'll eventually come around to loving her sis ;)

Shaunacey Bonneville said...

lol she reminds me so much of Annabelle!
I have so many anxieties with the pending arrival of our little man, but so excited to see Annabelle as a big sis.
You're looking great momma!

PMerr said...

Those are all of my fears! We aren't pregnant a second time (nor will we be for a while yet), but these are things I've been thinking about as I try to think about when we will have our second!

tina bumblebee said...

I think that the way you were taken by surprise with just how much you could possibly love your daughter, will happen again with your son. You'll be surprised again with how much you can love BOTH your children at once and I know that love will manifest in you being the best mother of your two kids. Whenever things get hard having 2 kids just think of all those moms with like 6 kids! If they can do it then so can you! Haha

Allison Cooley said...

I have fears too about eventually expanding our family. I want Brylee to be old enough to somewhat understand what is going on instead of just adding another baby to the mix. One of my biggest fears is having another c-section with a toddler:/

BLovedBoston said...

I totally think your fears are normal and justified!! You are going to be a wonderful mother to two and how perfect to have a little boy and a little girl :) xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

Brittany said...

I love that of all the things in your life reassuring you that the timing is right, Mia is #1! I can't really imagine the feelings you are experiencing, as I don't have any kids of my own yet, but I'm sure it's very hard. You'll be surprised how much love and attention you have to give once your little guy shows up! Plus, I was a big sister with a younger sister and brother and absolutely LOVED having them around. I totally agree that siblings are the way to go! Plus, they'll keep each other occupied once they're older. ;)

Living out of Wedlock said...

Just a special experience to share with your first child! I cannot wait to experience it! I can tell she is going to be the best sister to her brudder!

Desiree Macke said...

I feel like we share many of the same fears. And it's good to know others think/feel that it's a normal thing!

Courtney [Sweet Turtle Soup] said...

I love this post. I relate to it so much! Aria had zero interest in babies until really recently so I really didn't think we'd ever get around to having another. But, now that she is just loving up on her little baby friends it makes me think another would be such a blessing to our family. Now to just get Chris on board =)

Purposely at Home said...

courtney, you are such a great mama. i love watching your little family grow. i know that you will just sail right into having two just perfectly.

Sarah said...

Totally normal to have those fears, I think everyone goes through that. But when you see your two kids together and how much love they have for each other, melts my heart every single time. Love that last picture of Mia looking at her belly, too cute.

Hilary said...

I'm nervous thinking about when to add baby #2 to our family. I don't want to wait too long that there is more than a 3-4 year age gap between them, but I also struggle with giving up time with my sweet boy. I don't want anyone to take my time away from him, even though I know I'll probably feel the same way about baby #2.

Mandie said...

That's totally normal but you will be as great to your baby boy as you were/are to your baby girl. Plus, Mia is just gonna eat that little man up & it's gonna be fabulous! :)

Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

Ashleigh said...

I thlnk every parent will worry about adding another child into the mix... I mean think about those who have twins right away! I am sure that is super scary for them because they wonder if they will love both kids the same, one more then the other & vise versa but at the end of the day when you give birth you will love all your children after all they are both part of you you carried them both in your womb & loved on them both throughout... Mia is going to be a great big sister to her new baby brother & you my sweet girl will be an amazing mom to both...

Evelina said...

It's so sweet how much love you have for Mia. I'm sure that once the second baby comes, your heart will expand and will accommodate your love for him. She's going to be a great big sister!

Ashley @ Words About Waverly said...

Oh girl, I totally, completely get it!!! Yet your heart really will double in size, just you wait! So excited for you! Xo

Nina Robinson said...

I definitely had those same fears, and I know Joe did too. I just try to think about what we're adding to the family. A sibling is an amazing gift for both of them in the long run. And somehow your heart just grows more than you ever thought it could :)

Janna Renee said...

We said one kid was enough and although Will is sticking to those guns, I wouldn't completely against a #2 ;) If only I knew we would pop out a boy round 2!

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