I'm getting a little bit serious over here today :) I always try to be myself on this blog. I really hope that my personality is very obvious in my writing. I want my blog to be a happy place, because I truly am a happy girl. But some time's I go through hard times, and some time's I need to post about it because this is my "journal". I really am going to print it into a book so that our good times, and bad will be recorded.
With that said, I know I've complained about my face on here before, but I want to write about my experience. I've been very lucky to have high self esteem, I've really never struggled with my image...until 23?! My body went through a major hormone imbalance (birth control..never taking that crap again!) and resulted in my face exploding with acne..within like 2 months. It was SO fast, so nasty, so ugly, and SO painful.
I was SO shocked out how physically painful acne is. My favorite feeling in the world is when a sweet baby touches my face. Their soft little hands always make me feel so loved. The first time a baby touched my acne covered face I almost lost it. Instant tears. Nothing had ever hurt more. Honestly, I am so heartbroken for those that have acne all over their bodies. I can't imagine feeling the pain in my face, all over my body.
I didn't have to endure the physical pain for very long, but I am still recovering from the emotional pain. It is just CRAZY how my self esteem plummeted, like over night. It is really embarrassing for me to admit what thoughts ran through my head, but here goes! Actually, first I need to say that Eric was such a champ through all of this. All the sudden his wife turned into a depressed, and crazy emotional girl, and he was nothing but supportive. He never EVER made me feel less than beautiful. I don't know how I got so lucky :) I do admit though, I went crazy, and I was so so SO worried that Eric wouldn't love me anymore. I just felt so ugly, inside and out, that I thought he'd regret marrying me. We had just moved across the state (this probably played into the acne) and I thought for sure, no one would want to be my friend. Who would want to talk to me with my nasty face? I would like to think that I'm friends with everyone. I certainly don't base my friendships off of looks, I was just out of control and could/would not think rationally. I thought my clients would hate looking at my face and they'd stop coming to me. I thought I'd lose all my friends. I wasn't very much fun and I complained all the time. The acne just consumed my every thought. I suffered through every negative comment I could come up with. Isn't this all just RIDICULOUS?! And so irrational. But it's real.
Dr. Tim Nowatzke changed my life. I know how lame that sounds, but he fixed/is still fixing my face and I could not be more grateful. If you live in Southern Utah, and have any skin problems PLEASE go see him. Especially if you've lost your mind, like I obviously did. It'll be the best thing you can do for yourself!
As my face started to heal, I realized all the extra pain I'd caused myself, and my loved ones. I don't think my parents appreciated their daughter destroying her self image. What kind of example was I setting for my nephews and especially my niece? Eric, who loves me no matter what, watched me beat myself up every second of every day. I don't put up with it when he is hard on himself, why did I make him suffer through that with me? I had let myself forget the most important detail, that I am a daughter of God. I was created in the image of Him. I strive to be the best example of Him, to be a good person, to love as He loves. I forgot all of that. I let the adversary over come my every thought. As ugly as I felt on the outside, I was truly that ugly on the inside. I say this because I never want to forget. I will have so many more trials in my life time and I don't want to let myself go back to that dark spot in my life.
I feel so blessed to know that my Heavenly Father loves me. I have the most amazing family and friend's in the world. And I have learned that it is so important to love myself. I am so thankful to Tim Nowatzke for healing my face, and I hope I never have to go through this again. But if I do, I hope to do it with a little more grace :) I am so glad that I am pretty much back to normal! I love being happy :)