Thursday, November 14, 2013

no big deal...

Once upon a time, I was extremely sleep deprived thanks to my brand new, angel baby. I basically didn't sleep the first two weeks of Mia's life. Which is to be expected, of course! What I didn't expect was the hallucinations that came with lack of sleep.


These hallucinations started small. I'd wake up for just a minute, feel Mia in arms and think to myself that I thought I put her back in her bassinet after feeding her, but being too tired to actually put her back. Then I'd wake up later to feed her and realize that she hadn't been in my arms at all, I had put her back in her bassinet! But as the nights wore on the hallucinations grew. I would be awake feeding Mia when all the sudden Mia would start crying in her bassinet across the room. Obviously she was crying because she was ready to eat... but I was already feeding her! I would look at my arms and realize I was laying down, not sitting up feeding my baby. But I could still feel her in my arms! I'd look at the clock on my phone and realize that she really was in her bassinet crying for food!
One night, every single time I woke up I would frantically start throwing my blankets and sheets off the bed (swearing like a crazy woman) because I KNEW I fell asleep with Mia in my arms and somehow lost her in the bedding. I would flip on the light and keep searching for her because I knew she was suffocating.... even though I could see her sleeping in the bassinet peacefully. That was a rough night!
The worst was when Eric "woke me up" (I really was asleep, but I thought I wasn't) and asked me if Mia needed to eat. I was so annoyed with him... couldn't he see that I was already feeding Mia? We argued back and forth as I told him I was already feeding her, and he'd tell me I definitely wasn't feeding her. I remember Eric saying, "COURTNEY! OPEN YOUR EYES! You are NOT feeding her." My reply? "My eyes ARE open... why don't YOU open YOUR eyes??" Then I opened my eyes and suddenly I couldn't feel Mia in my arms, because she hadn't been there in the first place! I mean, SERIOUSLY!


I never, ever slept with Mia in the bed because I was too worried I would roll over her (I move around a lot in my sleep) so it was crazy that each night I would wake up thinking I let myself sleep with her. I could literally feel the weight of her in my arms, even though she wasn't there. It was so confusing, ha ha! As soon as we got on a regular sleep schedule (around 2 weeks) I stopped dreaming/hallucinating Mia in my arms. But it was a trip each night trying to figure out what was real, and what wasn't! The things we go through for our tiny babies ;) Has something like this happened to any of you?!
Sorry, I'm still playing catch up!  | Mia's Birth StoryNursing | Hospital Story #1 | Hospital Story #2 | First Night Home |

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Living in Color

28 comments:

lovelifelogistics said...

Oh my! I didn't have hallucinations, but I definitely was in a trance for weeks on end after having a baby. the two-hour increments of sleep really take a toll on ya!

Kim Matheson said...

Oh my gosh - that exact thing! My little man is three months old now and hasn't slept with us for a lot of that now (we did a little co-sleeping), but recently I have been waking up absolutely certain that he is on top of me. In the blankets. And I am terrified. Panicked.

Yeah. He's not. Ever. I haven't fallen asleep nursing him for most of these three months. Good grief. Lady, I completely understand where you're coming from. It's crazy, hey?

Ashley said...

I had my fair share of hallucinations as well. I was already scared to sleep with the boys in bed, too, because of that very reason. It's crazy what sleep deprivation can do to you!!

Tearsa Roberts said...

The same thing happened to me! I ALWAYS woke up freaking out that I fell asleep without putting Terrin back in the crib and I'd look over and he was sleeping peacefully so I thought ah I fell asleep and tony woke up to take him from me. Then I remember I did put him back down after feeding him. Crazy times! Not looking forward to doing that all over again!

Livingincolormom.com

Linzi Scarsella said...

So amazing how much she's grown! Gia had those poka dot leg warmers too!(love them)
Here's to sleep! ;)

erica @ to the sea said...

How scary!

Niken said...

wow, that's kinda scary.

Jamie @ You Gotta Have Hart said...

Oh gosh.. that's pretty crazy! I know that when we FINALLY get pregnant (ugh) and I'm able to have a successful pregnancy, I'm going to have this issue. I'm already a worry wart and when I have a child I'm never going to want to put it down or stop being "right there", etc. I'm probably going to drive myself insane.

Tara said...

Courtney, I am sitting here CRACKING UP (my husband surely thinks I'm crazy) because I can definitely relate- I too frantically searched for my baby in the bed, even though she never slept with us! Those newborn days were such a blur!

Kerri Andersen said...

WOW I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!!! that happened to me the first 2 weeks too....it was SO CRAZY. i could never remember if i had actually fed her or if i had just dreamed that i fed her or what...it was so confusing!

Ashley @ ladyacray.blogspot.com said...

I've had times where I'm sleep talking or "dreaming" while my eyes were open, but only a few times and it's TRIPPY! So I can only imagine what it was like to constantly be hallucinating!

Evelien said...

Oh my, I've learned something new! Didn't know that I could go a little crazy after having a baby haha! If I have any of these hallucinations come February, I'll let you know!!

Annette said...

Yes, I've remembered having these types of dreams too. Many times I would nurse my son in our lounge chair downstairs and I would fall asleep with him cradled in my arms. (I think this would last for about an hour or so...) For months, I used to dream about doing this too, only to wake up and realize I was in my bed sleeping all along. So crazy but beautiful all at the same time.

Life with J and J said...

Oh wow...those first few weeks were some of the hardest I have ever faced!
You did it though. It gets better :-)

P!nky said...

Awwww lil baby, so cute!!!

Wildali @ These are the times... said...

My little girl is 3 years old and I had totally forgotten about THIS. I nursed her for 14.5 months and it wasn't until I saw your post that I remembered how that exact same thing used to happen to me!! Pregnancy Brain & Mama Brain goes together! LOL

Katie said...

First that picture with the leg warmers!!! SO SO cute! Usually I think leg warmers look silly on babies that little, but she is definitely pulling those off! Cute cute

omg I never really thought of new parents hallucinating from lack of sleep. That is crazy!!

Nicole@mamashiptips said...

yes i use to kind I was feeding Julian but I was not. But I felt him. He would be sleeping safely.
I love the pink legging :O)

Joel and Jess Odell said...

Oh my goodness! How terrible to think you had lost your baby in the sheets, yikes! Glad to hear things have gotten easier. I love the pink leggings, so sweet!

Jess @ The Odell Yodel

I'll Love You Forever said...

Its crazy the things we go through during and after pregnancy. Big adjustments. I remember after my first I was constantly tired those first few weeks. I would wake up in the middle of the night realizing I fell asleep feeding him and milk would be everywhere haha. I enjoyed this post. It brought back memories that I had put in the back of my mind. I enjoy looking back and remembering this first few weeks with a newborn. Darling photos!
xoxo

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

That's kinda scary! I've never had anything like this!

Jade Wright said...

Wow it's rather frightening to read this when you haven't been a mom yet and know what's coming - I've got a little nephew on the way into the world next month! I would love to get my sister-in-law reading your blog, I think it will really help her because its her first time in mommy-hood too! <3

www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com

Kirsty and Seth said...

It's such a crazy time when you have a new baby isn't it?! I must have fed Caleb so many times in the night as I would feed him, fall asleep then wake up 5 minutes later and feed him again because I thought I hadn't fed him! I'm so lucky that he started to sleep through the night at 8 weeks old though, I love my sleep and I could start functioning like a sane person again!

Nicole @ Haute Runner said...

Wow that sounds awful! I don't recall havin any hallucinations like that. Maybe once or twice I dreamt that I thought I had picked her up to feed her but that's probably it. I sure hope I don't get them this time around.

Lauren Roerick Miller said...

Wow! Thats something Ive never heard before! Sounds like a really rough night. :(

Janna Renee said...

With the stories I hear about lack of sleep at the beginning, this doesn't surprise me!

EmilyJane said...

Yikes! That sounds a bit terrifying. I didn't sleep much either, i didn't hallucinate, but I was a straight up mess, crying a lot, and just plain miserable. I hate to say it but the first month of being a *new* mommy sucked. Glad things eventually even out ;)

J is for Jessica said...

I never had them this in depth (although I do hallucinate in my sleep a lot about other things, robots and weird crap!) but I have woken up a few times thinking I fell asleep with the baby in bed and throwing back the covers freaking out because I couldn't find him!

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