Monday, March 30, 2015

I have to admit...

It's no secret that since moving to Arizona Eric has worked his little hiney off, and we haven't seen much of him. Since moving to Arizona, I also no longer work. I used to work one day a week at the salon while my parents watched Mia and it was the perfect set up! It got us out of the house, I got to enjoy some adult time/my creative outlet/a break, Mia was spoiled rotten by her grandparents and had the chance to miss me. It was the perfect balance for us all and Mia never really favored either parent when we all were together.
Well, since moving to Arizona Mia has turned into a stage 5 clinger when it comes to daddy. I totally get where she is coming from because she is stuck with me from the moment she wakes up until the moment she goes down for the night, and she was lucky if she got to rock and read a story with daddy before bed. At first I totally loved the clinginess because she wanted Eric to do everything for her, not me, so I finally got a break on his one day off each week. But some thing's changed in the last couple of weeks and it's totally hurting my feelings to watch Mia freak out if Eric leaves her in the room with me for even one second. We have been seeing a lot more of Eric these days (hallelujah!) and it's painfully obvious that Mia could care less about me... at least that's the way it seemed. Blame it on hormones, blame it on the lack of "me" time, blame it on the big changes we've been experiencing these past couple of months... I don't know what to blame it on but I went a little cray one night and shouted at Mia that she was hurting my feelings. I was on her side for crying out loud! I did every little thing for her and she instantly forgot that the second daddy walked in the door. Sweet Mia grabbed my face, gave me a smile and told me "luh yoooooou!" and gave me a hug. That's when I knew I was losing my freakin' mind and it was time for a break!


Thursday night I finally got my first real break since our move two months ago. That may not seem like a long time to many, but when (Mia and) I were used to the weekly breaks, this was definitely long overdue. I attended a church activity celebrating the Relief Society and it was so uplifting for me! It was just the spiritual enlightenment I'd been craving! Then a new friend and I ran to Target where we shopped until they basically kicked us out :) It was such a good night full of yummy food, girl time, etc. Later, Mia woke me up at 3am with the most pitiful cries and a fever of 103. I gave her some medicine and rocked her for a long time as she asked me to sing song after song, until she fell asleep in my arms. I don't even know how to explain how good I felt rocking my sick, sleeping babe and the feeling of content I felt in my heart. Being her mom is the greatest blessing I could ever ask for, and while we are a little overly obsessed with Eric in this house, Mia still needs me :) I felt so rejuvenated after my short time away from home and I swear I'm a whole lot less crazy now, ha ha!
I never realized how important "me" time really is for my sanity, and the sanity of my whole family before now. So in an effort to ditch the crazy side of me that obviously exists (please tell me I'm not the only one?!) I will definitely be making more of an effort to break away from the people I love most for those little moments of selfish me time... because in the end, it's really not selfish at all when I return to the people who love (and now miss) me most, feeling happier than ever to give them all that I've got!

24 comments:

Ashley @ Words About Waverly said...

You are such a good mama! I am totally a believer in me time, it is SO hard to give yourself but I swear it makes me a better mama. Don't feel bad - even for a second - if you feel like you need that - you deserve it! XO

P!nky said...

Glad you were able to get some me time. It's essential, lady so don't go too long without it again. I'm hope sweet baby feels better soon!

Tawnya Faust said...

Aww... i totally get that hurt you felt. Scarlett favoured Adam for a LONG time and I was basically chopped liver even though I did everything for her/spent so much time for her! They go through phases though and they're just expressing themselves so I try not to let it get to me. So nice that you were able to get out for some girl time with a new friend, it's amazing what a little break can do for us mamas! XO

Evelina said...

Hurray for me time! We all need it once in a while.

Allison Cooley said...

Brylee gets super clingy too. She doesn't want anybody to touch except for her...I totally get you on the you time! Staying home all day is rough some times!

Http://tisourlife.blogspot.com/

Lauren said...

I'm totally in the same boat as you right now...since having Nora I've obviously had to take care of her, while Nick has been in charge of Elyse. Every night when he comes home from work, it's all...DADDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!! And even though we all do bedtime together, it's me on the outside of the cuddlefest, while Elyse turns to her daddy. However, I know that it's me, momma, she'll run to when she's hurt...and I'm also so incredibly thankful for the relationship that Nick & Elyse have together. It'd be craziness was clingy to me with having to tend to Nora!

BLovedBoston said...

Oh girl every one needs a little me time, especially when you are "on" all the time!! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

chantal marie said...

I love how honest you are. I dont have children yet (im pregnant), but I know myself well enough to know that eventually that would have hurt my feelings too. Im sure its just a phase. Every little girl (and big girl!) needs her mama :)

Karra said...

Me time is so, SO needed!! Sometimes even just being able to take a shower and a quick nap with locked doors helps me out! You're awesome girl!!

Hall Around Texas said...

You are definitely not alone in this!! Moms need a little time to themselves every now and then!! It's healthy. :) Love that sweet picture and hope she's feeling better!

Brittany said...

How wonderful is this post? I don't have a kid, but I already value my "me" time when it comes to other aspects of my life. I don't feel refreshed enough to give 100% if I don't make time specifically to recuperate. Also, of course Mia needs you! You're her bestie! :)

Sarah said...

So true! Every Mom needs a break! I have broken down like that many times, and it's totally normal. Especially moving to a new city, must be hard, glad that you found some you time and hopefully you'll make more friends and have at least a bi-weekly MNO!

Hannah said...

I understand completely! My feelings would have been hurt too [even though there was never an intention of having feelings being hurt]. We have the opposite problem right now, Emerson is with me all day every day and even when his daddy comes home he wants me to go with them into the other room to play or read. I know the day will come all too soon when he will care less about me and then I'll be boo hoping like crazy. Goodness. And yes, getting some time out of the house for some "you" time is so important and helpful! It can make horrible days seem bright and cheery. And it allows your heart to be overflowing with contentment as you rock your sweet munchkin in the middle of the night. Motherhood is amazing. I hope you get more breaks for you time more frequently!

Jessie said...

Make tears come to my eyes! This is so real and raw. Don't feel guilty for spending a little me time every once in a while. I'm the exact same way! Motherhood is a 24/7 job. Even our husbands, bless their hearts, get a one or two day reprieve each week; we moms could use a few hours off too. I think it makes me a better mother.

Kimberly said...

Kids loving their dad is so great but it's hard to see them prefer someone who doesn't have to ever be the bad guy! You're super and you totally deserved some alone time Saturday!!!

Sarita @ it's my girls' world said...

Love this!!! My kids totally get excited when their dad comes home but I'm the go-to parent for all sorts of malaise and it's obvious that you are too!!

tina bumblebee said...

Me time is SO SO important, it definitely keeps me a sane, better mother. You have no idea how much your duaghter could care less about you until you're a single mom haha. She's with me all the time and I'm her sole provider so when literally any other friend or family member is around I'm completely ignored. She wants absolutely nothing to do with me and doesn't even want me to make her food! It HAS to be whoever is with us doing everything for her. But then the minute she is sad, scared, or sick she cries out for me and holds me tight and I just know that I am totes her favorite :)

Kelly Mock said...

You are such a good Mommy! That is totally understandable! Hope things get easier on everyone soon!

Courtney [Sweet Turtle Soup] said...

We all lose it every once in a while. Sometimes more often, depending on the week. Aria did something the other week and it just made me cry, so I had to excuse myself to the bathroom for a couple minutes to regain my composure. They sure don't mean it, but sometimes they get you right in the gut. I don't even remember what it was now. So, we are all nuts!

Elizabeth Birenbaum said...

You are not alone!!! While I am not with Mason all day, everyday since I work, I do need "me" time as well. To be honest, I totally do feel bad about it usually but then I pep talk myself and realize we all need some alone time or "me" time! I think that is awesome that you got to spend some time with your friends, got rejuvenated and then Mia showed you just how much she needed you and you could be there fully for her, feeling grateful that you were up with her at 3am and not resentful. You are the greatest mama and Mia obviously loves you so much! XO

hello erin said...

My feelings get hurt on a daily basis with lex choosing mike. She calls him her prince! And ignores the pants off of me when I have to nurse. It's hard to remember it's a good thing. And a stage. And BLAH blah. But it still hurts! I need to build in more "me" time. Maybe that'll help my sanity!

Mandie said...

Yes, "Me Time" is really important for everyone. You need to try to get out more often FOR SURE! & I know that it's hard to not get your feelings hurt when Mia gets excited about Eric or whatever but she tries to cling to every moment with him because he is gone so much. She's not intentionally trying to hurt you. She loves you very much & there are times when only Mom will do. :)

Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

Our Pretty Little Girls said...

Two months is a long time friend. So glad you were able to get away and get out. Mommies need those breaks so we can be better mommies. I have been in the same shoes too. It's mommy all day but when daddy gets home, good bye mama. It can be hard at times emotionally but I know they are just excited to see him. Hugs friend, you have had a lot of changes to deal with.

Janna Renee said...

You have to take care of yourself so that you don't get burnt out! You are SUCH a wonderful momma in every way. Hope you are feeling/doing well!

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