Sunday, July 28, 2013

...you never know what you're gonna get

Here's part two! I wish I would have written this post months ago! You all gave the best advice... seriously! Thank you so much! It's definitely helping (and will continue to help me) as I'm finally willing to make the changes to be a better wifey! Oh and I apologize! This isn't short and sweet like I thought it would be. What can I say? I just don't know when to stop talking!

I haven't been able to admit my weakness before now because I didn't know how to change my ways. Actually, I didn't want to change my ways! I mean... I wanted to be the best wife possible, but it's always hard to admit when I'm wrong (because I'm always right ;) and because I'm stubborn) and I just didn't want to see my faults. But life has been so much happier since I made the decision to put my pride aside, and make the changes to be the wife that Eric deserves!
I briefly talked about my failing attempts to show Eric my love and appreciation for what an amazing husband and father he is when Mia was born. Being a mother was the most easy and natural thing in the world for me! (Note: being a mommy was easy. Nursing was not. But once that fell into place, I was in heaven with my baby!) I was so wrapped up in taking care of Mia that I forgot to nurture my relationship with Eric. Once we realized what was going on, Eric and I had one conversation and decided the best thing we could do was to start making a conscious effort to serve each other. I didn't realize that letting the simple thing go could totally affect our relationship! We started doing the small things again- packing Eric's lunch, making one of his favorite dinners, making time to watch a movie with him (even if I slept through the whole thing, new mommas know what I'm talking about), leaving little love notes, voicing a compliment instead of assuming Eric knew I thought he was handsome, taking the time to have conversations and actually listen to what he had to say, being conscious of not snapping at him even though I was exhausted, etc. And Eric did the same for me! It only took a couple days of working at this for it to be totally natural again! I am still trying to find new ways to surprise him and show my love for him, and I will continue to do that for the rest of forever! It's part of how you keep the marriage alive, no?
The hardest part for me (as I'm sure you noticed) was dealing with my feelings for Eric's job. I have left a ton of details out, which is to be expected considering this is public to the whole world. But that's okay! Yes, we have had to put up with a ton of crap and no, I have not handled it the way I should have... that's all I need to share. A little over a week ago I had the epiphany that I was taking the easy route. I would ask my friends/family how to forgive, how to forget, how to move on when I still had to put up with it each day? I couldn't escape from it! (Do you like how selfish I am? I was talking about Eric's job, not mine. I am so ridiculous sometimes!) It was so much easier to hang on to my anger and resentment instead of letting it all go. It truly is as simple as that. Just. let. it. go. I saw this quote on facebook the other day: "Victims focus on what they do not control. Survivors focus on what they do control." It's easier to be the victim, isn't it? I wouldn't admit that holding on to that anger was seeping into my marriage, into my relationships with others and into my sanity (ha ha). Once I set my pride aside I decided to be a survivor. For me, this means I've had to hand it over to God and let Him help me to just let it go. 
I decided to make these changes a couple weeks ago. Just a few days later I learned that someone took my words, twisted them around, gossiped, and made life difficult for Eric at work. I was so angry I literally thought my blood was boiling. I mean, I was thiiiiiis close to breathing fire (ha!). I wanted nothing more than to punch this guy in the mouth and to tell him to stay out of my business. How dare he twist what I said and use them against my husband! These thoughts consumed me as I daydreamed about beating this guy (because you know, I'm so strong) and teaching him a lesson! Then it hit me. I was doing it again! I knew I didn't want Mia to sense my anger, I didn't want Eric to know just how mad I was or to be ornery about it and take it out on him, so I had to just let it go. It was the biggest battle I've had with myself for a long time. It was so much easier to hold on to the anger, but through lots of prayer and determination I started to feel lighter inside until those awful feelings disappeared. It is going to take a long time and a whole lotta prayer before I will be able to master my self control.... but it is so much better for myself and for my family to just let it go. I don't know why it took me so long to realize what I already knew was right, but I am looking forward to a better marriage and life because of it :) This is one learning curve I hope to never experience ever again (except I will, because I'm hard headed like that)!
headband c/o Sew Much Baby

15 comments:

Sarah @ The Not Quite Military Wife said...

I struggle with letting things go too! I'm awful at holding grudges, you are not alone!

Sara said...

i just went back and read the first post and I am so in the new mommy rut of exhaustion and just not showing my hubby how appreciative I am of all he does. Excited to try to make small changes and implement fun ways for us to connect despite two kiddies.

As far as letting things go I am pretty bad wih grudges but it really does seep into your relationship.

Carlie said...

I couldn't imagine having that much self-control over my feelings for the gossiper at work! It is very admirable. Thank you for sharing this and all your feelings. It's nice to read your honesty.

Ashley said...

I'm struggling/learning to be conscious when I have anger about the things I can't control too. My husband's job can often be a source of stress for us too, and I'm learning that my husband needs to my support and to just let things go too. Being a pilot wife I can definitely relate to the constant changing of schedules and things that are out of our control. I hear ya!

I think you hit the nail on the head when you talked about being a survivor or a victim. We can always control how we react to any given situation. That's a good thing to be able to be in control of if you ask me.

It's crazy how much holding onto feelings/emotions effects our relationships... and we may not even notice it. Practice makes perfect! I'll be practicing letting things go right along with you. :)

Jessie said...

You are such a smart and amazing woman. We all have our struggles (I can personally relate with putting my husband on the back burner with a new baby) but it sounds like you are coming out on top!

That's what life, especially family life, is all about, I think. Family life is the refiner's fire at its hottest. It's where the worst is brought out in each of us and where we work on our shortcomings, hopefully in a loving and secure atmosphere. Luckily, I've never felt so much joy as a wife and mother either!!! :) Way to put Christ and prayer first. Thanks for your honesty and for being such a great example of that.

Janna Renee said...

I love that victim quote...I've never heard it, but basically I strive to NEVER be the victim. Good for you for not harboring the anger! You are strong, beautiful, and wise for your years :)

Musings Of A Gem said...

Hi Courtney,

I've just read over your blog post. Good for you for getting over your anger. Sometimes I feel the same about my Fiancé's work. They make promises and don't reward or recognise the hard work he puts in. We are waiting on them so we can finally get our first home. It's very frustrating!

All the best,

Gemma xXx

DeAnna Stephens said...

Good for you in putting this out there.
I would be right there with you when it comes to the work thing. I'm so lucky that both Brad and I work for such a great company that puts a LOT into making sure employees have a good work/life balance.

Katie said...

We all have our struggles no one is perfect, but I think it's awesome that you realized that it was something that you needed to change within yourself in order for your marriage and family life to continue to grow happily like it should.

Dinah Gacon said...

Gosh I am awful at letting things go...I am so stubborn and often resort to the "worse case scenario" situation that I often become blind to what is really there and most of the time its positive. It's refreshing to know that we all have a hard time doing that. Thank you again for sharing this, it takes alot to put it all out there!!

xo Dinah @ Sunshine super glam

Lauren said...

I think it's almost just a trait of all women to not let things go...yeah, the whole forgive and forget thing---I am TERRIBLE at it! Thank you for posting this...I don't think you probably realize how many moms & wives have struggled with everything you have just described, good for you for being brave enough to put it all out there in words to help us all!

Mama's Hip Tips said...

you are a great wife and mother don't let no one bring you down :O)

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

It sounds like you're in a good mind set!!

Corine said...

This is awesome! :D I'm so happy to have stumbled upon your blog today! In some ways, you remind me so much of me; and I love to progress and be inspired to progress! :D Way to go with the letting go! :)

Kendra Lafferty said...

Ohh this is one of those lessons I have a hard time with too! I am pretty easy going and have an easy time letting things go, but there are some things that really get me and I have had to learn this lesson a few times. More to come I'm sure. And hey, I recognize that quote! ;) good job doing what you're doing!

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