headband c/o Sew Much BabyI'm going to get real today. Like really real. It's scary to admit when you're struggling, when life's not fair, or when you need help, advice, love and support. And when I say " you" I really mean "I".
When we moved to this town I was depressed out of my mind! I swore I'd never live here, yet here I was. I am generally the happiest, friendliest girl but when I feel low, I feel really low. I was driving a wedge in our marriage but I just couldn't stop crying and complaining. One day it finally clicked that I was blaming Eric when it wasn't even his fault! Yes, we moved here for his job BUT we both knew this was the right move for us. We both agreed. So I worked on changing my ways and swore that as long as Eric loved his job, I would learn to love it here. Shortly after I made the changes that I needed to make to bring us back to that "good place" in our marriage, we discovered we were pregnant! Life was good. Then Eric's job started making changes that we didn't like. Shift work (days to nights, nights to days), 12 hour days, weekends and holidays. This is going to make me sound awful (because it was awful) but I went C R A Z Y! Things weren't going like promised when he was offered the job and it was so easy for me to be angry and blame it all on his job (good heavens, I needed a swift kick in the rear and a major attitude check)! Months later I got used to the awful changes (I really look up to the couples that handle these situations with grace!) and we prepared for the arrival of our sweet daughter!
When Mia was born I was sooooo grateful for my husband. Eric was so loving and helpful to me and our baby! The first few weeks I just couldn't believe how lucky I was, but I slowly stopped showing my appreciation. I think I got so wrapped up in taking care of Mia that I forgot to take care of my marriage as well. Other things like sleep deprivation, hormones and hating Eric's job definitely played into that! If you haven't noticed a pattern here... I'll point it out. Every time his job changed things up, or put Eric through the ringer, or didn't treat him how I know he deserves to be treated, I would go C R A Z Y! But what I didn't see, or rather, what I refused to see, was that I was making life harder on Eric.
Eric told me not too long ago that he just needed me to support him 100%! I was shocked when he said that... Of course I support him! I love him! I want what's best for him! Why couldn't he see that those were the reasons I was so angry and non supportive of his job? (Has anyone noticed that something is about to click in my brain? About a year and a half too late... It's pretty horrifying for me to share how close minded and hard headed and just plain awful I've been!) Eric and I have made the decision that this is where we need to be living right now. Eric is very loyal and dedicated to his job. He is good at what he does! So my question is this. How do I support my amazing husband 100%? He needs me to support every aspect of his life. Our marriage needs it!
I've just painted an awfully dark picture of our life, but I promise it's still every bit as beautiful and happy as the picture above shows. But we (or I) have struggles like anybody else! And sometimes the simplest solution is the hardest to acknowledge. So this is where I come for advice!
Stay tuned for part 2! It will be short and sweet next time :) But until then... talk to me, people!