Monday, September 15, 2014

my thoughts on her beauty

I have been wanting to write this post for some time, but I've been too nervous to actually type it out for fear of getting it wrong. I'm not one to participate in the "mommy wars" and I'm certainly not going to tell another mother they are doing it wrong (so don't take it that way)! I'm just here to tell you how I feel, and I feel so passionately about this!

I feel like my daughter is beautiful (my biased opinion is that she's the most beautiful child I've ever laid eyes on, ha!) and she should know it, feel it and believe it! I've seen this new trend among mothers (or maybe it's not a trend but I'm only hearing about it now because of social media?) that they do everything they can to avoid letting their child focus on their outer beauty. I've heard of them asking their friends and family to refrain from telling their child they are "pretty" or "handsome". They want to instill in their child that beauty comes from within and it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside. Of course I whole heartily agree that beauty comes from within; and I will be teaching Mia to love everyone around her, to be the best version of herself and to strive to be as Christlike as possible at all times and in all things and in all places. BUT you better believe that I will also be teaching her that she is beautiful and perfect physically, in her own way!

I feel like we all have different beliefs, religions, upbringings, cultures... you probably don't believe in everything (if anything) I believe in, and that's okay! But I believe we are made in God's image and that our loving Heavenly Father wants us to know of our worth. God does not down play our beauty, our important role as women in the world and the worth of our self esteem... so why would I downplay our beauty to someone, anyone, but especially my daughter? Mia is the daughter of a King and there is no greater knowledge than knowing where she came from to help her navigate through this tricky world.

I feel like we live in a time where the world tears us down every chance it gets. Mia will have many uphill battles and struggles to face as she grows and becomes less naive to the hate that exists here. Oh how I wish I could fight those battles for her! I wish I could erase every doubt and self loathing she will experience. I wish she could avoid being challenged, second guessing her worth and feeling like she isn't living up to the expectations of society.  But I can't and she won't. Which is why I feel so strongly of the importance that Mia develops the knowledge of her beauty, inner AND outer, now and forever. Her body, her physical traits, her personality and heart are a gift from God. A gift that should be cherished instead of downplayed.

I feel that it is my duty to instill in Mia a love for herself that she can't deny, even in her darkest of moments. Mia does not have to live up the the world's standards to be beautiful. She is enough. Just being herself and embracing her outward appearance, her personality, her uniqueness, her inner beauty and her self worth... she is enough!

My sweet Mia, you are beautiful and don't allow anyone to let you believe otherwise!

53 comments:

Traci@TheHallway said...

beautifully written and I couldn't agree with you more!

Kelly Mock said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! I COMPLETELY agree! I think as long as you also tell your child the other great qualities they have (They are brave.smart.funny.kind.) then why not also be able to tell them that they are beautiful or handsome! It's the truth after all! Who doesn't think that their own child is the most beautiful kid they have ever seen! Mia is gorgeous, and I think it's okay if you tell her that!

birdie to be said...

Talk about beauty... What a gorgeous post!!

Holly @ Everydays a Hollyday said...

I have 2 daughters, I agree completely with you. My teenager needs to hear me tell her how beautiful inside and outside she is. The world is doing enough trying to convince girls that they need to be different. Our girls need to hear that to us they are perfect.

Kate Fischer said...

Your such a good mama.

Danielle said...

I taught my beehives about this yesterday! Don't you wish they could always see themselves through your eyes?! Then they would never be able to doubt that they are beautiful and perfect!

BLovedBoston said...

This is such a wonderful post!!! I think you're totally right in telling your daughter that she is beautiful and wonderful on the outside as well as the inside!! I think for me I was very insecure growing up and hearing that I was beautiful from my parents helped me learn to believe that in myself!!!

Pamela {Sequins and Sea Breezes} said...

Such an amazing, well written post! You are absolutely right in tell your daughter she is gorgeous inside and out. There will be a time that someone tries to bring her down but having a mom like you to help her through everything is great!

<3, Pamela
sequinsandseabreezes.blogspot.com

Ashley said...

I absolutely love this, and completely agree! There is nothing wrong with being told you're beautiful...I know each of us likes to hear that simple statement.

Erin LFF said...

Great post girlfriend- you are such a great momma! I really look up to you :)

Emily said...

Beautifully said--teaching confidence and self-love is so important, especially in young girls!

Ashley @ Words About Waverly said...

AGREED mama, great post!!! You are TWO beautiful ladies!

Kristen said...

I absolutely agree with this! I'm terrified of having a daughter one day - my mum always told me I was beautiful and pretty and i love her more than anything, but she really didn't do much else in terms of whats on the inside and all that, does that make sense? so i want to be a better mother, i want them to know they are beautiful inside and out. asking people to not tell my kid she's pretty is (i'm sorry!) kinda ridiculous lol. that will turn into an issue when they are older and realise no-one has ever called them pretty...

lori said...

You are an amazing mama!!! She is beautiful and you should tell her so. I think it's important to boost your child's confidence and make them believe they are beautiful on the inside AND outside in a world that is so physically focused, i believe it's important to also constantly point out her inner qualities and strengths as well (which I know you do!!) and we shouldn't just focus on one or the other. You're doing a great job with Mia, she is so lucky to have you!

Sharlee said...

Yes!!! I am with you 100% This world and society places such an emphasis on physical appearance and perfection... It is equally important that our children see their bodies as beautiful and perfect creations. It has to start young. God gave us a SPIRIT and a BODY for a reason. We need to honor both of those and in today's society it's a challenge. Tell her how amazing she is inside and out!!! I'll be doing the same.

Tara said...

I've noticed the same trend and I think about it often, especially now that I have TWO girls! I'm trying hard to instill a sense of self-worth in my daughters... I tell them they're beautiful, smart, good at whatever it is they're trying to do, etc. I want them to grow up confident and happy- and feeling beautiful is definitely a part of that!

The Siberian American said...

I love this post! Couldn't agree with you more. She is so beautiful and so are you! :)

Kirsty and Seth said...

I'm so glad you wrote this post, I agree with you completely. There's so much controversy over praising children too much as well, but I always tell Caleb what a handsome boy he is and how clever he is, I don't think there's anything wrong with that! What you wrote reminded me of an EFY song a few years ago, "beautiful to Him".

kirstyandseth.blogspot.co.uk

Julie said...

what a great post!

Jamie @ The Jamie's + 1 said...

I love this post. Very well written. I tell Nicklas everyday how smart, sweet, kind, and handsome he is. I think its our job to tell our kids how wonderful they are! Great job momma!

Ech and Will said...

Well said!

Schnelle said...

Perfectly composed... I agree with you completely. Our society has gotten to be so sensitive and it seems as if everyone has to walk on egg shells and make sure they are being politically correct at all times and I think this is just one piece of that crazy puzzle.

Kelly Mock said...

I left you a comment on my blog too, but I'd thought I'd let you know here, Baby Gap had Halloween footie pj's for toddlers! I put a link in the comments off my blog for you

littledekonings said...

Beautiful post!!! I agree all the way. Children need to be told they are beautiful, and beautiful has more then one meaning. It's another way we tell our babies we love them :)

Sarah said...

I agree with what you're seeing on social media. I feel like they are missing the point. But spot on mama!

Mrs. M ~ a.k.a. ~ April said...

This is s very good and thoughtful post. There was a time in my life where my dad didn't believe or wouldn't say that his daughters were beautiful afraid that it would go to their head. Somehow that stuck for a long while and so I acted out to "prove" that I am. Thankfully, I have a mother who is not only beautiful herself but told her daughter's so. Since that time my dad has changed in so many good ways. Now that I am a grown adult and about to have a daughter of my own, I hope to not only to instill in her Godly values but also reminding her of her beauty and that she is fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image. Thank you so much for writing this! It is very inspiring!

Heather Leigh said...

Amen amen & preach it girl!! There are so many bible verses where God says he delights in our beauty and said we're wonderfully made! Great post!

jessica said...

Totally just made me cry. But that may be because I'm pregnant right now with a little girl!

What a wonderful post though. I have always felt this way, but in the past have felt bad for wanting to take this idea of "beauty" to the physical as well and honoring my body as well as my spirit since so often it is stressed on the other end. Your words though are the words I have been trying to find for these past few years. So glad you decided to write this!

Sara Elizabeth said...

your baby is beautiful. perfect. and she is enough. tell her every day. because you're right. she needs to hear it. and believe it. and it starts now. :)

tina bumblebee said...

I can completely see the good in both sides of this argument. Realistically, people are going to mention outward appearance to our kids though so I don't think their mentality of not focusing on it will work. Instead, I tell my daughter how pretty and beautiful and wonderful and smart she is alllllll day every day so that she grows up feeling that way and if the bullies get her down when she's older she won't believe them. I definitely didn't get complimented by my parents growing up and I totally think that has something to do with my insecurities even as an adult. You rock, momma!

Shardae Jensen said...

I think this was perfectly written. When I tell my son he is handsome it is because that is what I see. I think he is handsome for so many reasons not just strictly physical. Sometimes when he is such a good boy I tell him he is so handsome because beauty comes from within as well as on the outside. I also feel like you should tell your children they are beautiful because if not us, who? Certainly not the world, at least in the same we we see them! Than you for the great read!

Kendra Lafferty said...

I agree! I think people/society is working so hard to reject the worldly "beauty" we see in photoshopped magazine and that entire idea....which I agree with, because it's completely fake, but they take it too far by making the word "beautiful" taboo. I think we need to keep "beauty" as it was originally intended, and it's not a bad thing at all.

Karra said...

loved this so much. I hear myself tell Rae she's so pretty all the time, but I want her to know much more than that too. You're a great mama!!

Elizabeth {Chasin' Mason} said...

LOVE THIS! I am so happy you decided to write it and post it! You are so right. We might not all have the same beliefs and that's ok. We don't all look the same. And that's ok too. But we are all beautiful in our own skin... inside and out... and I think it is wonderful that you tell Mia that! I don't tell Mason that is is pretty (obviously) but I tell him similar things. To me, he is perfect. And I tell him that often. Not for him to have a complex and think he is better than anyone. But for him to know that he is loved unconditionally, no matter what, and that he is a beautiful person, inside and out. You are a wonderful mama!

Ines RdP said...

hello sweetie!!
I`m here the first time & I wanna stay!
How about follow each other?? I always follow back when I propose it :)
I tell you that because I really love your blog! WOW!
Pics so inspiring & descritpions are great!!!!
so let me know sweetie!

have a nice day!
keep in touch :)
kisses

Jenny said...

This is great! I agree with so much of what you said. I do think it's important to tell our little girls they are smart, brave, funny, etc but there's nothing wrong with saying they are beautiful or pretty, etc. It's one of those messages that seems to get twisted and over processed in society today. Our girls (and boys) need to know they are beautiful inside and outside.

Dani MacKell said...

Courtney! I absolutely loved this post. Thanks for sharing these thoughts. Amazingly said. You and Mia both have such glowing beauty inside out.

Tori G said...

beautiful post, and beautiful mommy and daughter!

Kelsey Howell said...

She IS a gorgeous little babe! Love this post! I agree with you! We should def teach our children to love the skin they are in!

Nina Robinson said...

Even if I did want to shield my child from thinking he's handsome, there's no way the grandparents would get on board - they'd probably say it extra just to make up for what he'd be lacking at home ;) I do try to use other adjectives in addition to handsome/cute, like smart, helpful, sweet, nice, etc, but it would take a lot of work to censor myself from calling him cute and handsome. (And I'm not one to add extra work to my life!) Great post :)

Kelsey Howell said...

Ps.. I think I fixed my blog for ya!

http://dandelionsanddugouts.blogspot.com/

Mandie said...

I always tell my girls, who I think are both beautiful girls, that they need to have the personality to go with their looks. I tell them that they can be the most gorgeous on two legs but if they are complete snots, nobody will care what the "packaging" looks like.

But I do tell my girls that they are cute/pretty/beautiful as I do for my many "nieces" & "nephews". Compliments are always nice to hear no matter what they are or how old that person is.

Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

MakeMeUpMia said...

Your daughter is so so beautiful, and yes, cutest name ever ;) This is such a beautiful post. I don't have children yet, but I pray I'm blessed with a daughter one day and I can tell you my heart will be exactly where yours is! PS- thank you for your sweet comment, for some reason I didn't get an email to reply to you!

Courtney [Sweet Turtle Soup] said...

Nailed it! Honest! You explained it perfectly. I think everything about my daughter is beautiful and I'd never dream of not telling her her smile is the loveliest or she was a beautiful woman. Just like her laugh is beautiful and her heart. I think people take things to the wrong end, when a nice balance will do just fine!

Ashley Kelly said...

She is a beautiful little girl. Wonderful thoughts, we are ALL have a divine nature that makes us beautiful and we shouldn't downplay that beauty - inside or out!

Kelly Lamborn said...

Love this post!

Kelly Lamborn said...

Love this post!

Kelly Lamborn said...

Love this post!

Caroline Fleenor said...

Great post! Your daughter is both beautiful and adorable. I hope that you are having a great day and I will continue to follow along. :-) -- Caroline from Windy City Chic

Laura Marie Keenan said...

I couldn't agree with you more! Well said!

Antoinette Musik said...

Courtney this was such a fabulous post. I agree that teaching our daughters to have good self esteem is extremely important and i'm definitely gonna tell Emilia that I think shes beautiful when shes old enough to understand.
I know that kids do so much better when we praise them for things they can control and I never want her to think that physical beauty is more important than qualities like courage, kindness,integrity etc.

Karina Marie Powell said...

Courtney I almost teared up reading this! Perfectly said.

Annette said...

You're so right! It's so important to instill self-confidence in children, so why not tell them that they're everything--sweet, smart, funny, caring, and beautiful (inside and out). Great post!

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