I've been meaning to write this post for a couple months now. It's not going to be a "happy, life is so perfect" kind of post, it's something I went through that I don't want to forget. It was real life for me. Actually, I'm just putting these thoughts down because you truly do forget... and I want to be reminded in case I ever have the urge to get knocked up again. Ha, I'm totally kidding..... sorta ;)
In all seriousness, Mia is the best part of Eric and I. We are in awe that she took a little something from each of us and grew into a perfect baby girl. I pray to my Heavenly Father a thousand times a day thanking Him for my angel baby. But those first 2 (or more, probably more) weeks of Mia's life were the hardest weeks of my life!
I don't really know how to describe what I went through without sounding like a crazy.... but here goes! I thought my world ended when we took Mia home from the hospital. I could hardly even use the bathroom without Eric's help, let alone take care of this perfect little baby who needed to be taken care of 24/7. Yes, my body had just been through major trauma, but I didn't feel like the recovery was very difficult. But I did struggled physically, mentally and emotionally with nursing. (You can read my story here.) My struggle with nursing those first 2 weeks was so draining. Looking back, I'm not really sure how my sanity, my daughter and my marriage survived that, ha ha!
A week after Mia was born, Eric was told he needed to work the night shift for the next month. The news was a huge surprise/shock to us and I kind of went postal on Eric. I didn't mean to, and it certainly wasn't his fault... but hello?! I was a brand new mom who needed her husband! Instead he was going to work all night (12 hour shifts) and sleep during the day. The stress I let myself feel over that situation definitely rubbed off on everyone around me. I wish I would have handled that better, but I was a struggling, sleep deprived new mom. I was terrified to figure out that journey "alone" and I felt awful that Eric wouldn't be able to spend the time with our brand new baby that he deserved. I'm still bitter about that situation, but this is one reason I thought my world had ended :)
I remember thinking I wasn't ever going to be able to leave the house with my baby. I was distraught (sounds dramatic but I'll just blame it on the hormones) that we weren't going to be able to get together with friends, go on trips, or function outside of the home. I had always said that we weren't going to stop living life just because we had a baby.... but I could barely make it out the door for a doctor appointment.
A little over a week after Mia was born, I was dying to get out of the house, breath in some fresh air and get a little exercise. I ended up at the gym (because it was negative degrees outside, much too cold to go on a walk) while Eric watched Mia. My walk on the treadmill only lasted 10 minutes, but it made me see a light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone who normally went to the gym was there working out (I'm a major people watcher, and I spent a lot of time walking on the treadmills my last couple weeks of pregnancy, ha ha!) The world hadn't ended, it was just going to take some time for me to learn how to live my new life! At the time, I felt like it took forever for me to learn. But Mia isn't even 3 months old yet and I've already taken her on a trip without Eric! I'd say I've made major progress and have learned a lot. And I know I'll continue to learn more each day :)
One of my blog friends described it perfectly.... she said the first couple of weeks are a mix of ecstasy and despair. I couldn't agree more! I believe most of the despair comes from being sleep deprived and the nasty hormone change. And of course the ecstasy comes from the precious newborn :) Those were the hardest weeks of my life but they were so worth it. I love my baby girl SO much, and that love grows every single day. I love my new life of being a mom to Mia! I wouldn't change it for the world. And it will be helpful to have this reminder when we have our next baby.... it takes a minute to get the hang of this huge life change, but it will come!! The light at the end of the tunnel is very real, and comes sooner than we expect it to :)